Had a convo last night with H that I will recount here but first let me say that we are under a tremendous amount of stress due to our upcoming move on Friday. How's that for a disclaimer, lol.

When I am under stress, ALL of my patience disappears and I remove the filter between what I think and what I say. In fact, I think I would appear closer to my BB Persona than I do in real life. IRL I am much more diplomatic and sweet than I am here, aren't you lucky.
I was feeling hot to trot all day long and kept thinking, I am sexy... and other such goofy thoughts. Feeling really good, IOW.
So H is initiating last night and he made 2 separate comments that were placating and little boy-ish and, man, it ruined any desire for sex I had. I tried to blow those comments off..after all, our sexual encounters are not going to be perfect and I'm sure there's times when he has to shake off goofy things I do or say. But due to the intense stress we are under, I just got real short and testy with him and called the whole thing off.

A convo ensued in which he said that he does not feel arousal until *I* am aroused. I pointed out that it puts an unfair burden on me (to get both of us aroused) and, furthermore, when do I get to become aroused at the sight/sounds of someone diggin me? His 'system' excludes that possibility.

At the end of the day, I just didn't have enough patience to nicely present all of this and I'm afraid that I was abrupt and somewhat rude. However, the funny thing is that *this* is what he responds to. He will snap to attention. I used to use this to my advantage until I realized that, although he was doing things the way I wanted, it wasn't because we got along so well, it was because he feels comfy being ordered around. So I stopped it.

However, last night I shut him down rather rudely and today I'm wondering what to think: Is this desire-after-arousal thing a legitimate reason for me always going "first"?
Cause I think it sucks but there have been, and continue to be, many things about my life which suck and I adjust just fine.

Oh and I asked him if he ever thinks about sex during the day (I do and I was thinking about it a lot yesterday, as I was in a sexy mood) and he said No, and went on to describe how it just doesn't enter his mind. I add this not to point out anything wrong with this way of thinking, only to illustrate how far away it is from my own POV and what a bummer it is that we can't share this in common, the way we do so many other things.

Honeypot, who is trying to keep focused on packing when there are so many other fun things in the world to do, like take the kids to the zoo