Quote: I agree that he may interpret hp's lack of enthusiasm in a rejecting way and might respond by "not wanting to bother her" and make it worse.
That's his MO in a nutshell.
Quote: But to take the position "I'm depressed and need you to make me feel better" isn't a good route
I agree and have been careful not to do this. The problem, as I see it, is that H wants an unconditionally cheerful wife. So his unspoken attitude has been "You're depressed and you need to do something about that". It's been all I can do to fight against the tendency to want to stuff my own grief so that I can be Myself and regain the marital equilibrium. He keeps asking "what's wrong?" and wanting me to be my normal joke-crackin good time of a wife. I have not been crying or moping..I'm muted. I'm serious and contemplative. It is freaking him out and he is not finding me sexually appealing at all.
I am finding myself wanting to resume our sex life, now that the grief is subsiding from those first clutches. But I am feeling pressured to go back to being happy-go-lucky first. There is a feeling in me that I can't be myself, whatever 'myself' is on any given day, because I have to maintain the Cheerful Persona or he will continue to ignore me.
That is what we talked about last night, amongst other things. He relentlessly cracked jokes during our convo, as if to test me and see if I was able to be Me yet and, therefore, attractive to him again. It worked; I was laughing at him, but I couldn't help but feel that his desire is sooooo conditional and fragile.
At any rate, we managed to get back on the road of marital normalcy and I hope we can maintain it.
