So, I was thinking about my last post, the attempted hijack over at Jenny's place, and realized this: When I met H, I was extremely sexually aggressive. He loved it. Thought I was his dream girl. Now I am attempting to change the rules. Heretofore, I've been focused on *his* changes (Marine turned altar boy) and how ripped off I feel. But here I am trying to rewrite the rules, halfway into the game. Now I want him to come after me, in a way that he never really did. I mean, he was definitely sexually aggressive when we first met, but not more than me.
Why was I ok with being the aggressor then but not now?
I suppose it has to do with his response. He was VERY enthusiastic so it was encouraging...I wanted to continue the behavior because there were good results, for both of us. Also, his sexual response wasn't *dependent* on my assertiveness in the way it is now. He has flat out told me that unless and until I show desire, he will not do the same. So I get to "go first" always and forever. It is becoming harder and harder for me to do this, when my memory bank of Good Sexy Times is becoming more and more in the distant past.
Oh, I'm sure I'm exaggerating to an extent because I'm hormonal as Hairy puts it. (actually I do not have the wild ups and downs that most women have, due to my reproductive whackiness but that's neither here nor there)
He has been giving out these ridiculously tentative signs of desire and then yankin em back, as soon as he senses that I'm not going to take over. This used to make me mad, now I just don't care. I see it, it is duly noted, and then I move on. I cannot be bothered to take over, any longer.
At least until we start ML again and I morph back into my eternally optimistic self.
Hey at least I realize what's behind these mood swings.
