Yesterday morning when I woke up, with the memory of the previous evening's loving time fresh in my mind, a curious thought occurred to me: "I think I've grown!" Now, this is not the kind of introspection I normally indulge in, but I took a moment to think back over the past few years, and when I look at myself now, in relation to what I was like then (in terms of my feelings, attitudes and concerns), it seems to me it's like seeing a niece or nephew for the first time in a few years - there are definite signs of growth there. Not trying to pat myself on the back or anything, it's just that this thought surprised me a bit. I remember when I first came here, I spent a LOT of time in what I liked to call "the screaming room". Some of you may remember that. Funny, I'm not really having more sex now, but I spend a lot less time there. Can't even remember the last time I felt that way. In fact, I now see that behavior as childish and spoiled. Gimme the candy, NOW! So even though, by most standards, I don't really seem to have made much, if any progress in the past few years, by at least some measurements, I have. We have. Again, I think this thought has given me more reason for optimism and hope than I've had in a long time. I do know there is still a lot of work ahead, but to see some progress at this point is a powerful motivator. For the past while, up until this past week, I would have described my dominant feeling as hopelessness and pessimism, when I thought about it. This was due to not seeing any attempt on W's part to make things better, but if I'm fair, I wasn't pressing the point, either, so I was helping to create the very thing I was complaining about. The fact that I can now see that is further evidence of personal growth.
And there comes Mojo, posting her idea of success as well! Excellent! I do notice lots of growth and change in many of the "old folks" here, and there is much to be celebrated! Maybe if we stop and take stock, and remind ourselves of where we've been, we might let ourselves feel better about where we're at.
