I first need to get myself back in the habit of following through. I really lack at this at this time. I have all kinds of great intentions then lose the drive to see it through because the bed is so enticing.
Unfortunately saying and knowing that are a lot easier than doing something about it.
I am trying to form a game plan with the follow through on this.
Right now I have to desire to do something about this a little shaky on the will power lol. I am really more focused on the what to do about it. Right now leaving seems to be the best or maybe easiest option. But with my H's new found outside of the sex comment he thinks we have a pretty good marriage. I am struggling to find a reason to keep trying. It seems everything I have said over and over again in the last year has not registered with him. Karen said but I am saying that you are utterly alone in your understanding of how much trouble the M is in. And she could not have been more right. My H's comment really brought this home. Though I have strove to get over the resentment of my H's sexual needs. I have done the schedule to make sure I was fufilling these needs at a somewhat regular basis and made him aware that this was something I was doing for him because it mattered to me. I find my initial fear in doing this has come to light. If I met these needs H would think all is well. I said in the begining as long as we are having sex H will think we are okay. 10 months later I find I am right he does. It is no real surprise I was just hoping I was wrong.
Pretty much I am done with this. I am tired of being overlooked as long as his physical needs are being met. As I said I am done with my marriage as it is. My H wants to change my opinion of him it will be in a SSM because I am no longer interested in meeting his needs on this level if it is going to blind side him to mine.
I have not had sex with Richie since I went to Ohio this last time. Nor will I if I have anything to say about it. He said he realizes the damage done will take time. His actions will have to speak louder then words on this one. So far he is falling awefully. He tries to be nice but 10 minutes later shows it was in a attempt to get laid.
Anyhoo as it stands until my H wants to address all the issues of our M there is no sex in the Chrissy household. (Sorta sucks for me in the physical aspect good thing I am not against MB like alot of other folks).
Does he view you the same way?
Yes pretty much so under the surface. It would explain all the wild things he has thrown at me over the years. And his jealousy. But it is his problem not mine. Until 2 years ago I never had given him reason to rant at me about these kind of things. But had been endurring it for the whole course of our relationship. I won't even go there anymore.
If that is the case, how can you make him feel more secure?
I can't that is his cross to bear. These insecurities have been there alot longer then I have been in his life. And they will ruin every relationship he has if he does not control them. They do not relate to me but himself so he has to deal with them I am tired of suffering from them.
Is it worth it to you
At the moment not so much. Me getting better is what is worth it to me. And it will take some real firm not so comfortable boundries to make us ever work I don't see my H willing to walk that route and I am not willing to bend anymore.
