Old age is so sad.

[chromosphere]

Chrissy,

You pretty much answered and summed up your situation pretty well, but there were a few things you said that particularly stood out.

I am the victim I always strove not to allow myself to be. That has been a real slap to my own personal self respect and esteem.

What should be a boost to your self-esteem is that most people who fight desperately against becoming a victim end up becoming one, and most never realize it. You have. You can do something about it because you have knowledge, and knowledge is power.

I have a few things I feel I need to address on my own prior to doing this to make it more benificial.

Don't pull a Glob and wait until the stars, galaxies, planets, Sun, and Moon are all in perfect alignment before you decide to do something. The best time to get help is as soon as possible.

My response oh he just reminds me of you and your right I don't have to stay around and take it.

Very perceptive. What are you going to do about it? Do you have the will to not "stay around and take it?" I'm not necessarily saying S/D, but you are right, you don't have to take it. Unfortunately saying and knowing that are a lot easier than doing something about it.

My H pretty much looks at all woman as whores out to mistreat a man.

Does he view you the same way? I cannot imagine how you could ever have a good relationship with him if he does.

So maybe he is insecure because a lot of people were not interested in him. I am not really sure he changes his story a lot.

I can relate to the first statement, although I am beginning to wonder if I was just deluding myself. Maybe all of his abuse/neglect is just heightened bravado attempting to cover up deep insecurity about himself. If that is the case, how can you make him feel more secure? Is it worth it to you?

Best wishes C

Chrome (is back)