I think for years my anger gave me drive. A drive to achieve and overcome. But since I have realized I have FOO issues brought on from the same things that drove me before. I feel like I only had myself convinced I overcame hence I really achieved nothing. I am the victim I always strove not to allow myself to be. That has been a real slap to my own personal self respect and esteem.
Are you seeing a C about the depression regularly?
No but I am sure this is a step I will need to take in the near future. I have a few things I feel I need to address on my own prior to doing this to make it more benificial. Simple things like making myself get up in the morning once I wake up instead of lying in the bed getting dressed every day and so forth.
It almost sounds like your H is acting like an abusive father figure to you.
Oh see this one stands out to me. My overbearing mean step father and my H's behaviors are so simular. So is the way I think about them due to this and respond to them. Its like they have overlapped and became one to me in some ways. My step dad was being a ass while I was home. My H told me that I did not have to stay there and take it I could leave. My response oh he just reminds me of you and your right I don't have to stay around and take it.
Why does your H mistrust you so? Is he projecting from previous R's?
My H pretty much looks at all woman as whores out to mistreat a man. Why I don't know. But if he sees someone who is married talking to another male he always labels them as trash. My H has been dumped before but hey who is not when you are young. Maybe he has never moved past it. As where I have the ability to be good friends with people that I have once dated. I cannot think of to many ex's that with time I have not be able to be friends with. My H also never really had a lot of girlfriends from what I can figure. So maybe he is insecure because a lot of people were not interested in him. I am not really sure he changes his story a lot.
I plan to get caught up on your thread in the next day or so. I am sure I have missed alot since the vaction/business trip
