Yes, Chrissy, you don't need him to push you to get your head together. Go someplace very quiet, sit in the lotus position if you have to, and just clear your mind completely.
No thoughts about how things will affect H etc. No worries about kids. Past abuse or future doubts. Just one question when all is silent:
"What does Chrissy want?"
Sounds like you 2 need to hit the enmeshment "reset" button; not pull the plug as of yet.
I'll say it again, I really think you should express yourself in words on paper to your H. If he went on this site and started reading your thoughts I think it would scare the sht out of him.
Plus that way if you do separate for a time he can have the hard facts in hand to re-read...and not skew all the crap that led up to it through his own version of events that he will convince himself is the truth.
Hard to refute your words/pain on paper as to your state of mind. Clear your head, Chrissy, don't chase the answers you want...just create an quiet empty space for yourself and they'll float right in.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
