I think you just wrote something I think you need to actually say to your H...."If we had a little space between us who knows maybe I would not feel so under the gun. And be able to see him in a different light which would allow us to change the dynamics of this relationship."
He knows what he's done in the past with his behavior, I can't imagine that he doesn't also know that behavior like that prohibits you from opening up to him emotionally. So, if you think it would be a good thing for your R potentially, and you think you could use that space....perhaps even productively for the two of you....why not suggest it?
I know there's a good chance he'll fly off the handle about it, beeeelieve me I realize that. But I wonder if you approach it with the reasoning of "we aren't breaking up, but we need to take a step back to rebuild...or even just build up our relationship to make it better." if he'd take that better. I mean lets face it....there are many couples that do benefit from separation. It can give both people a chance to #1 miss the other, and #2 appreciate that other person more for what they did bring to the R. Then of course it could also answer that question of...."am I better off without this person in my life?"
