I did address this with H last night. H says that the paper was in his old gym bag and it was from a couple years ago when I was trying to leave him. And since I had pitched it well hmmm cannot verify that or not. Seems odd but what is not odd in my life lol.
Nicky am I safe from my H yes at most times. In the past when I have tried to end our relationship or even seek space to sort things out in my head my H becomes abusive. And my H is very controlling and manipulative for the norm. So while I do not fear him most times I never can totally let my guard down around him. Which tends to spill over into not being able to really ever allow myself to become emotionally attached/open with him. This is the part I am struggling with right now even though the verbally abusive behavior in him has all but vanished of late. I cannot bring myself to get over all the feelings it has caused in the past and trust him or feel safe with him or get over my ill feelings towards him. I am always waitting for that other shoe to drop.
Hence my being so open to him making the move to leave. If we had a little space between us who knows maybe I would not feel so under the gun. And be able to see him in a different light which would allow us to change the dynamics of this relationship if we were to reconcile.
