Old age is so sad.

[darlingnicky]

Hey Chrissy,

I am sorry to hear about your weekend. ((Chrissy)) I went back and re-read your posts on this thread. Can I ask you a question? What is keeping you in this R?

I found evidence of his looking while I was gone which was almost a month ago. Nothing since. I think it was more a staged find for manipulation and reaction.

The other night when H said that your depression makes him want to leave and now this with the apartments, could it be possible that he does want to leave but doesn't want to be the person to end it? Is he trying to get you all worked up (like finding the apartment info "accidently") so that you will just say fine, we're done?

And yeah I am happy he is doing it. And it does take away from some of the issues of making the decision myself.

Okay, so I am giving advice that I perhaps need to take myself, BUT, do you want this to end? You said earlier that you weren't sure if you could/wanted to make this R work. It is normal, IMO, to want the easy out and wait for him to give you a reason to end things. You seem like a very strong woman, very intellegent, and fully capable of being on your own.

If the shoe was on the other foot around here and it was me thinking about leaving there would be hell to pay.

This scared me a little bit. Why can't you leave? Are you scared to leave? Are you safe with him?

I have felt trapped into having to stay for a long time by his anger. This seems like someone is unlocking my cage in a way and giving me the option to stay or go.

You always have the option. Your posts the last couple times really scare me. I think it is great that you are out looking for a job. One that give you medical benefits would be great. You can seek IC and meds on your own. You know, don't wait for him to sympathize with your feelings so that you feel justified going to get help. Do this for yourself and for your kids.

Good luck with the job hunt and keep me posted.
Nicky