Yes I do feel that if this continues I will need to seek some form of C again. Not that I can say any of the other ones have helped define anything or helped me define anything.
The sleeping ahhh that is what I have been doing for the last four years. I am trying to break this cycle of not dealing with my life. Today when the urge struck I made myself get dressed and go to the tanning bed and store. The vent was on my way out.
I am sure part of my issues right now are with my marriage. I know I feel ungodly alone right now. It is a feeling larger then me. But I think a large part of this growing dicontentment comes from within myself and based on my self. I am very discontent with my life and very angry at myself for allowing it to get so hollow and meaningless even to me. Maybe something good will grow out of this dicontentment maybe it will turn into a motivational factor for me. Or maybe some motivational factor is already in place and making me so discontent. Who knows but hopefully if I can stop myself from detaching from how I am currently feeling if it does not wig me out so much that I shut it all off. And I will figure it out or go nuts trying lol.
The only thing I can compare how I feel right now to as a example is. When you are really hungry and don't know what it is you want to eat but you know it is a paticular something. And every hour the desire for that food gets stronger even if you are no longer hungry.
I am feeling a longing and hunger for something from deep within but yet do not know what I am longing for. I only know every day that this frustration of not being able to figure out what it is and the desire for what ever it is. Is causing me a sickly feeling inside that I don't like. Or maybe I am just not use to it so don't know how to deal with it and it seems larger then it is.
Shutting off is so much easier then trying to define whats behind how we feel.
