I keep having to fight the urge to just sleep through all these feelings or run just get in my car and run. Where? Why? arrgh I don't think I like this emotional quest if I am not going to understand why or what I am feeling!
I agree with GEL that a therapist may be necessary to work through some of these feelings. Honestly, when I read what you wrote, it reminded me of what my H stated he was feeling around the time he left. So don't do anything rash. You are obviously depressed, but running away will not fix things. And I am going to go out on a limb and say the R/M is not the problem at all, but what is going on inside of you. How you feel about yourself as a person, where you are in life, as a person. You and your H both seem to be lost, not only to each other, but to yourselves. You look to each other to give you identity (enmeshment) yet are dissatisfied with who each of you are as individuals. So the M will never work in that state. Two broken people equates to a broken M. Fixing yourself is the first step. He will need to fix himself, however, if the M is to turn around. I hope you find some help for yourself Chrissy. You DO deserve to be happy and don't forget it.
