I say...get thee to a therapist to help you sort this out.
My guess though is that this has A LOT to do with your R, it has A LOT to do with the fact that you feel so much is lacking in your R and you are now facing up to that....but you want to avoid it. It sounds to me (and I'm just guessing here) that you have a whole heap of anxiety attached to what you are currently trying to deal with (and not sleep through).
Deal with whatever it is that's causing this anxiety Chrissy....because you may be able to bury it temporarily, but it will not go away until it's dealt with.
