Let me try to give you a starting point for figuring out what you had then vs now.
Did/do you "feel" loved? Respected? Threatened? Trapped? Cherished? Cared For? Protected? Relaxed? Different things like this.....try literally sitting down and writing out a list of feelings and check them off in accordance with you XBF and your H. Kind of an emotional Pros/Cons list. That might help you kind of pinpoint what's lacking for you....I suspect it's going to be pretty obvious once it's written out.
