I broke my foot kicking the [censored] out of my devil woman Aunt! Oh no thats not it hmm let me see I simply fell ahhh the other was just a fantasy that is right.
last I heard before you left, you were saying you were seeing H in a little better light because he is such a great Dad
He is becoming a wonderful dad in so many ways. Which is making him a better person in my eyes. But and this is a big one. Though I do find it endearring is that enough? My thoughts and opinions of him have improved to a degree in alot of areas. But I had alot of time to really think clearly about our relationship while I was gone. In a week and a half I never once missed my H. I never once called because I just felt like talking to my H. (Though I did call to appease him). I never once thought well I wish Richie was here with me. I never once missed his touch his smell or his voice or his presense not once in 10 days. In truth when my little sister and I went to the movies and I laughed my ass off at her I was glad Richie was not there. When I was sitting swilling wine (yuck) on my little sisters couch and we were laughing and talking I was glad Richie was not there. When I went to bed at night with nothing expected of me I was glad Richie was not there. When I ran into my old friends I did not think gosh I wish Richie was here so I could let these people meet my H. I was glad he was not there. While standing doing the dishes from the night before at my sisters I was looking out the window thinking gosh I could get use to this real quick like. It was like being free to be me laugh and talk and live. No one making a good time bad because it was not all about them. Not having to watch what I say or tell me what I can do or that it is time to go to bed or I am ignoring them. No jealousy over who are those people how do you know them why are you talking to them. I laughed real laughter and I smiled real smiles and I felt like a real person and I was allowed to for 10 days. All because my H was not with me.
So the fact that my H is a starting to become a great father. And he offers me financial security is that suppose to be enough? I at this time do not think so.
So he doesnt like to see you depressed, wasting away, listless etc. either. That makes perfect sense to me
She created this person I am. Now she has to deal with it and she doesn't like it.
Stole that from a post from Geek on another thread. This is the exact same thing I told my H durring this conversation. Along with the fact that he did not like the other me so much that he worked for 17 years on making me into this one. Yes I enabled it yes I allowed it. But truth is I get tired of fighting him to be allowed to be my self. That is my fault. But he did not like me then and does not like me now so where does that leave me in the scale of ever being able to make him happy with me. No where.
IMO he just doenst know how to go about encouraging you or getting you moving. Thats not really his job though.
It's not his job. But I know what I will ultimately be facing if I do start moving the same [censored] that made me finally give up in the first place. Some how seems like standing still is the more peaceful road.
Did he say he doesnt want you to go to work,
Yep as soon as I said I was going to he did not want me to all of a sudden. But if I was here was a list of criteria that any potential job needed to fit blah blah. Pretty much making a job impossible for me. Or atleast making sure it would be unfufilling to me making me not so apt to go out and look for one.
Also I believe your OM is back in yoru hometown? Maybve he is feeling insecure and that you are now prepping to leave him because of that?
He is not in it but still in the general area yes. Your wild guess maybe right that he would some how link it too him. Which I find sorta funny if it had to do with the ex it would seem more logical that I would look for a job in Ohio not here. A job does not change the fact that we are 4 states apart it does not bring us any closer together. Nor change the fact that I will never leave my kids so I could never go to be with the other man permenantly no matter what. He has kids there and I doubt he would ever leave them no matter what so that makes me getting a job have to do with him how? But knowing my H he would find a way to make it about someone else.So you might be on the money with that wild guess.
So is this a Chrissy decision or a family one?
What about me going to look for a job in Charlotte that was a me decision.(was not on H's orginal list of criteria for a job was added after the fact). Yeah I guess it was a Chrissy decision. sorry I guess I am being kind of selfish in my thinking that if I am to go to work full time that I should have some good benifits to fill in the gap of our sorta sucky ones we have. And be paid well enough and to have enough money left over to pay someone gas money to drive my kids back and forth from practices so they can remain in sports and to put my youngest in after school care so he is not alone for hours just in case he has a seizure. While still having enough left over to pay the bills and have a little left to take them to the movies or bowling or out to eat on occassions. So yes I was being selfish and it was not a family based decision.
Quit cutting off your nose to spite your face. NOT positive. Not helpful. Not proactive.
Really well I am not seeing it as such right now. I see it more as in your face you cannot control me blah. If he wants me to get a job thats fine but he can take his limits and criteria away that will hinder that process. And it be about me finding a job that is in the best interest of all of us not just him or I will not work. Either way I am taking away some of his controlling me ability away from him. Maybe I am seeing this through jaded eyes. But this I want you to get a job oh wait now I don't because you are willing to well now you don't want to so I want you to bullshit has got to stop. I am done with the head games. And if I am going to be forced to continue to play them I am gonna play them to win from here on out.
Is sex just sex for your H or does he connect with you thru it?
No it is about emotional connect for him. But I was in no mood to feed his EC bank at the moment. And had I have just went along with it would have been done resentfully. And that is the one thing I have overcame is taking resentfullness into the bedroom that would just have created a backwards slide. And nah I will pass on that.
What you see as control, I see as him wanting to get you moving and helping you out
Well had I have not told him he could not make me when he demanded I go get a job the night before. This would have never happened. Had I have been all okay tomorrow I will get up and look for a job he would have never woke me up. He failed to wake me up the day I did really want to go look for a job. Matter of fact wanted to know what I was doing up so early even though the night before I had told him of my plans.
Have some zest for life. Thats not your H's job, nor his responsibility.
No it is not but he seems to take great pleasure in making sure that I can not enjoy much in life.
Hope your weekend on the beach with your gf's was fun.
Got there friday night around 6pm. H called by 10am to bitch about D19 (like it could not wait until I got home) And was pissy I had not left to come home yet. Other then that I did have a really good time doing nothing much but hanging out with her. Since it is my ex's mother I do not get to spend to much time with her these days. Was home by 9:30 Sat night.
