The change of mind frame in my thinking from I don't want her to die to maybe it would be what is best for her is what is so hard for me. And yes it is somewhat selfish. My grams is one of the few people I have had in my life that has always been there excepting and loving and understanding no matter what. And she was my protector at a very bad time in my life. Though I no longer need her protection I cannot phathom life without her love. It has always made me feel special. Again selfish but it is the truth.
