woman, you are all over the place right now.

Whew.
How did you break your foot?

last I heard before you left, you were saying you were seeing H in a little better light because he is such a great Dad.

So while I wont disagree with how you feel about things right now, I will point out maybe H is trying to help you.

I could be way off. Youll know.

Its very hard watching your Grandma, etc pass on. I watched mine die from cancer and also my Great Aunt. She actually lived with us at the end. My Aunt died while my parents were in the bahamas, my siblings were off being watched by others, and I was there with my Aunt. They are the ones who taught me to play baseball, basketball, (they both played in the womens pro basketball league way back when, my Great Aunt threw discuss in the 1932 Olympics for a silver) and pushed, pushed, pushed me -in good ways, all the time physically and school. well thats enough of that.

about your H.
H had stated a few weeks back that he was no longer going to watch me waste away that I needed to get a job and start doing something
So he doesnt like to see you depressed, wasting away, listless etc. either. That makes perfect sense to me. He wants you to be happy, healthy etc. IMO he just doenst know how to go about encouraging you or getting you moving. Thats not really his job though.

He then questions why I want to get a job all of a sudden and so forth and starts telling me he really does not want me to go to work
So you come home and bam suddenly are ready to go to work. Did he say he doesnt want you to go to work, or that he doesnt want you to go back to the career that you put all your energy and time into instead of your family, and him?
There is a huge difference. Also I believe your OM is back in yoru hometown? Maybve he is feeling insecure and that you are now prepping to leave him because of that?
wild guessing.

Then come home to be lambasted for going to Charlotte to look for a job he does not want me working there it is to far away (worked right outside of Charlotte for 5 years) and I was gone to long looking for a job
So is this a Chrissy decision or a family one? You really need to take care of you, but there is a lot of inbetween, all you and losing yourself. Alot of inbetween. Extremist.

I told H to forget it that I was not going to work it was not worth the hassle so I would continue to sit here in my house and do nothing and he could figure out from her on out how to make ends meet I am done with it.

Hey magician. Quit cutting off your nose to spite your face. NOT positive. Not helpful. Not proactive.

All and all the conversation dead ended and H thought it a great time to have sex. Is sex just sex for your H or does he connect with you thru it?
From your description of him and your dating I think he connects with you from sex. also because of how he has sex with you. Its very emotional for him. IMO. If this is the case of course after a fight he is going to want to reaffirm that you both still care about each other. MANY, many men just have sex to get their nut. Its quite different, eh? possible scary.


Today H tried to exert that control again he kept waking me up and trying to get me up to go look for a job. Yeah I stayed in bed until 2pm.

What you see as control, I see as him wanting to get you moving and helping you out of your depression. I simply cant ascribe all negative to everything he does. Its not working for me.

When I got up I sat down and played games on my computer until he got up for work at 5 and to his dismay discovered I had never left my computer all day.

Yeah that would be sad to see someone wasting away. I think you know the feeling.
One of these days he will get the picture that he is is own worse enemy when it comes to me
I think you are your own worst enemy right now.
and if you continue to sabotage yourself you will accomplish it.
You keep acting the way you are and so will he. I think that is the point of 180's.
You know what a huge 180 for you would be right now.
Taking care of yourself at a most basic level.
Sleep. Eat. Shower. Find some kind of job. Have some zest for life.
Thats not your H's job, nor his responsibility.

I know this was harsh. I know your messed up from your grama. Stop stuffing your sadness and hurt at her condition and loss. Your only hurting you right now.
Stop it.

Hope your weekend on the beach with your gf's was fun.

Im not done but I have to go work. They let me come and go as I want but its disrespectful of me to consistantly be late or cancel when not necessary. They treat me well. Its easy to stop appreciateing those that do.