Hi JeanB I wish I could give you an answer as I am facing a very similar dilemma!!
I do sense a whole lot of positives from your post here, however. What I see is a husband who has 1) admitted to his affair, 2) verbalizes regret/remorse, 3) is attending MC, 4) has verbalized an intent to reconcile, 5) comes home every night and 6) intimacy is slowly coming back into the picture.
It is so easy to look at the negatives. But out of all the pain and suffering you have gone through, there are definitely positives again. I wish I could say I had some of your positives!
I totally relate to your feeling of not seeing progress, perceiving ambivalence on his part and a notion that he is "hedging" by not giving up both worlds...it is cruel and at times intolerable to feel like he is keeping one foot in his other relationship while keeping one in yours.
In my sitch, my wife hasn't even owned up and admitted to doing anything wrong. She has not admitted to any infidelity and flatly denies that there is such thing as an 'emotional affair'. I strongly sense that there was a physical affair but have been unable to prove it like I have the emotional affair. She has stated that she wants to reconcile and wants to work on it. We have even gotten a smidgen of our physical intimacy back, which basically boils down to long hugs and slight touches, mostly initiated by me. While I have been advised to stop pursuing, I have found that the 'positive buttons' to push that work best for me are the non-sexual physical touching and the results have been very promising. I, too, am in that situation where I fear that she is ambivalent, not really wanting to try very hard, and just wants to find the right time to walk out completely having 'gone through the motions'.
But you know what? This is a form of self-torture. You CAN be an agent of change. If you fall back on your heels and do nothing, then he most likely WILL walk. By NOT DBing, your situation WON'T improve. So roll up the sleeves, swallow the pride, and bust! There are days that are excruciating for me, and you will have them too...that's when coming here for encouragement will be that much more important. The more you remain upbeat and push positive buttons only with your H, the higher the chances you provide for success. Save your grieving and frustrations for here--we'll give you hugs!! Promise!
