I want to start with some thoughts that may involve others in the same sitch. and looking for their insight.

I've been posting, now 1 year, sadly yesterday was 1 yr. with the bomb dropped of H with OW.
In the last month, H and I began MC, and H states he wants to continue MC and recommit to our M.
Unfortunately for me, I thought there would be fireworks of H spewing his renewal to try, but mostly H has big time guilt and it is hard for me to get past this and have empathy for him.
He is SO quiet about talking and I am trying so hard not to push. How do we as LBS spouses get past this, and also the real selfishness they still seem to have when it comes to their trying. So much I perceive from him as just going through the motions.
I have read notes from a month ago that H wrote to the OW that he will "try" the MC and that he will "try" not to have any contact with OW for 2-3 months. Of course I did not let on to H that I read this.
H does come home every night now, SL started between us and few periods of true intimacy beginning. H calls me often, BUT even with no obvious contact to the OW he admits they "email" sometimes.
Our MC said H should write the "it's over" letter to the OW and have me read. During the MC session I agreed, yes, this would help me a great deal.
Now 1 month a long the road, NO letter, and I have only occasionally asked and trying hard not to push. H replies with " I have to find the right words to her"--I sense he is either keeping her "just in case" or maybe could H really feel guilty about hurting the OW ( and 3 children ), they were together 2 years!

How do you DB and deal with this creature still lurking in the background?
Tried to get H to talk and I will not pressure, but feel so much ambivalence on his part. I know patience now is more important than ever, but looking for how others have come through this part.

I look back at how far we have come in 1 yr., but is H just "going through the motions" so he can say he tried?

How as the LBS are we able to empathize with their overwhelming guilt, when I just want to club him on the head and scream about my pain for a year!!!--No, I won't club for real, and I do really try to keep up the GAL and positive attitude.

I should be, and want to read about true forgiveness, but want to be able to forgive, when this OW is finally gone.