Blackfoot, While it's true that I do not care for predictability, it's not true that I am a drama queen..someone who craves emotional turmoil. Quite the opposite in fact.
You have to understand that there are very few things that *drive* my H to seek me out physically and emotionally. His job woes did that, though I felt stifled by it. He gave me intense hugs, was always seeking out my reassurance, my presence. His sex drive, for whatever reason, does not encourage him to seek me out. So there is a part of me that feels a bit left out of his current metamorphosis...and it all feels familiar to me..we've been down this road before.
Yeah that radio drivel has got to GO. I relate more to her Man side of things..loving those men whom I am attracted to. And not all of them were conventionally attractive, so I don't want to make it out like it's all about looks. One guy was downright weird looking but I thought he was tops and was very attracted to him. The first thing I noticed about my H was his well-developed pecs, so there stupid radio lady.
My workouts are going great, thank you for asking! I think that is the one thing keeping me sane right now, is my new focus on taking good physical care of myself. I've lost about 5 lbs so far. Still a ways to go but I've always been one to see the half full glass, ya know.
You know, I have no problem doing something like the winery again. I just need some reciprocation from time to time. As I posted somewhere else, the last un-prompted (that means me telling him to arrange a date, etc) date was 3 years ago. Even you in your deep admiration for MrH would surely find that lacking.
And.......the problem is not that he doesn't have the time. It's that he's forgotten that he is required to do these types of things. For some reason, we as humans are more motivated when our needs are not being met. When they are, we sorta lapse into this benignly lazy state.
Finally, you are right that I have, ahem, a TON more time to plan. However, my ability to execute a date is as limited as his time. Everything I do I do with 3 kids underneath my feet. I remember the 'winery' day with a mixture of "whew! we pulled it off, somehow" and "wasn't that nice". The baby was trying to un-do everything I was doing, the kids were trying to eat the pastries as fast as I could cook em, etc etc blah blah. He was *amazed* when he saw it and kept saying over and over, How did you pull this off with all the kids around??
So if I can do it, so can he.
However. That wasn't really the point of my whole thread. I think Journey (or was it LFL?) may be right that I'm a bit depressed and worrying that something is wrong with me and H. He *is* being a bit of a turkey since he started his new job but nothing that would cause this amount of consternation.
Oh and he didn't put in a movie last night. Unbelievable.
His whole family is movie-crazed. Goes to the theater several times a week, etc. H has bragged so many times that he has outgrown this but it turns out that he was just too tired to do it.
At any rate, I'm aware that the power to turn this ship around lies with me. As soon as I muster some emotional energy, I'll do it.
Anyone have any tried-and-true methods for restoring your EC when it gets a little rusty?
He is a do-er. An AOS man. So if I mention anything, he's literally on his feet saying, What can I do...do you want some tea? etc.
When really I just want some of HIM.
Anyway, you are very perceptive with the depression stuff. As an enneagram 7, I'm really not even aware of when I'm depressed..I tend to think it's something else like lack of sleep. So when I read that I thought, Yes of course, DUH.
Plus, my H avoids me when I am anything but cheerful, naturally this doesn't help my mood.
Funny as it may sound, I've noticed my EC picks up when I go out of my way to express myself in MrsGGB's LL. I noticed it again this week for her B-day, where I made it an AOS day for her so that she didn't have to do a thing (it is exhausting being her for a day!). I went into it not feeling much of an EC, but doing those things and seeing the effect it had on her brought the EC rushing in. I don't know why it does this, but thinking back, every time I've done this it has renewed the EC. The same seems to happen when she speaks to me in my native LL, which I am discovering is more QT than PT.
Perhaps that was why he asked for the repeat of the backyard winery, eh. Wanted to see a little AOS from me, above and beyond my normal drudgery, er, I mean acts of love.
Hi GGB, this is something I've been wondering about... it's a teeny hijack, but I don't know where else to ask: has Mrs GGB let herself have an O yet, or does she still push you away when she gets that "I have to pee" feeling that signals the approach of the O. Yes my curiosity is warped.
Lille, Thanks for asking. She's allowing it to go much further than she had before, so there's progress.
That said, the dynamic here has changed considerably over the past few months, with much less emphasis on having to have physical, and more of a meandering into the physical when everything else lines up. Everything else lining up is no longer a blue-moon occurrence, rather it happens several times a week on average (there are some weeks where nothing happens, other weeks where we are inseparable and the kids are rolling their eyes at us). Overall, the tone here is much improved.
I agree you are under alot of stress right now. But I think what you are experiencing is let down syndrome.
Baby pot needed you on a daily regular basis while you were breast feeding you recently weaned her and went through a slump. H has needed you to be his cheerleader and to pump his ego up for months now. You were getting fairly tired of it as I recall. But now all of a sudden H is not needing that same amount ego bulstering from you if I read you correctly. And now again you are falling into a slump.
You have had two forms of what has become normal/habitual forms of EC erased from your every day every hour routine just in a short period I would think it normal that even if it was tiresome at times to maintain these forms of EC that the lack of them will cause some disenchantment for a short period of time until the void is filled with another form of EC that becomes routine and habitual for a time.
I think your H is showing the growth that you had been wanting to see in him. Self assurance you prayed he would regain and unfortunately it seems like a lose of something to you instead of a opening for a chance to tend to yourself for a while. And for both of you to take a breath and relax for a short period of time before you start building that new form of EC. As we all know lifes dynamics are always changing. And you my dear woman have your hands full of changes in your life right now. You will figure out how to deal with them and get where you want to be. Not sure if my words are making my true meaning clear. Pretty much just a as soon as the dust settles you will start seeing the road more clear and restarting your journey down the path again type thing. You just have to hold out until the dust settles. And you always seem to be able to.
Well this is news to me. didnt know this about your sitch.
have you ever tried changing up, slowing down, stopping or other wise being the cause of her not getting her O. Being in control instead of letting her be? Get close to it then back off before she can say or do something. Several times. Pause, delay. Get distracted by another part of her body. <hmmm where was I? What were we doing? oh yeah...> Then continue where you left off.
also. Ever tried just fimly gripping her and holding her down or otherwise 'pinning her' and continuing on with whatever you are doing (hand, oral, whatever.)-despite her protests--when she is close? If you have not, Try doing this after the 3rd or 4th time delaying or stopping. Its a good thing. Very good.
You can even enlist her assistance and reverse it.
EX. 'I need you to tell me when you are close so I can stop. I know you dont want to O'. or 'I want you to fight it but I am going to keep going anyway'.
I have more but I keep squicking myself out when I read it. time for bed anyways.
