Lately H and I have not had much of an EC. It began when he started his new job. I figured it would take some time to get into a new routine but it just aint happening.
Currently I feel stuck. I am well aware that I could, tonight, get us completely back on track. I don't want to do this because I'm, quite frankly, sick of being the guide. I'm not mad at him, I'm not freezing him out but, curiously enough, I'm feeling some of my "am I really in love with this guy?" feelings creeping back in. And I'm saying Oh no ya don't!
A few months ago, the girls and I did something special for H. We turned our back yard into a winery of sorts. The area we live in has some green hilly parts and evidently the German immigrants who came here 150 yrs ago thought it looked like the motherland. They proceeded to plant grape vines and there are a lot of local wineries. So I copied what they did, as best I could, and had everything set up in our yard...wine, cheese, fresh bread, pastries, candles, a blanket in the yard, music playing. The kids thought it was wonderful and magical. Last week, H said "You know, I really liked it when you did that winery thing. I wish you'd do something like that again." I looked straight at him and said, I'll tell ya what. I'll repeat that event just as soon as YOU do something romantic and unexpected for ME. He said, Right..right...yes of course you're right. Point taken.
And then I went on being cheery as usual. Did not make a big deal of it but let him know in no uncertain terms that this here's a TWO way street.
A couple days later he ran a bath for the both of us and it was really nice. I felt heard. But after the bath, we got into a religious argument that ended with him calling me names. ??? We've not had an argument like this in over a year, probably more, and here it was cropping up like old times. Then another one happened a few days later.
We're just not 'clicking', not firing on all cylinders.
The biggest change I can see is that his new job is fairly enjoyable for him. The intense despair that he felt over his job is gone. But so is the emotional attachment he had to me because he was so miserable there. Now he comes home and is happy and pretty much does his own thing, including staying up late every night to watch a movie.
For my part, I have a ton of stress in my life right now and I just feel detached from life in general. I'm sure if H and I were 'on', I'd feel better. He just seems so NOT into this relationship right now.
So how do you folks get the EC back when things aren't clicking?
I have to confess that at this point, I'm not interested in *doing* anything. That's why I'm bracing myself for whacks.
P.S. We are ML pretty regularly and even that is not smoothing out the EC stuff. I've even had moments where I felt bad that it was pretty much just fcuking and not really making a meaningful connection during it.
