So much of what you wrote applies to me. I don't want this grand lesson of stregth, I just want my husband. But who am I to make demands on what he needs to do in his life?
Alot of times I think that if he comes out of this and truly deals with all of the chaos he has created that he will become a much stronger person, OR he will lose it more completely because he can't deal with reality. OR maybe he will continue hiding from himself and his actions and their consequences.
BUT, i don;t get to decide what lessons he will get. I have tried to talk to him about where this is coming from, what lessons life is trying to give him but obviously he can't hear anything I have to say on the issue.
So here I am, watching my husband throw away everything that he once knew as beautiful and seeking happiness outside of himself. I want to scream and shout, make him wake up but I guess I am realizing that when or if he wakes up he needs to do it on his own terms so that he can get the full lesson from his own truths, kwim?
I hate sitting back and feeling like this is "happening to me" Like I have no control. But so what, I have to believe that life gacve me this challenge for a reason. I may not appreciate it now, but hopefully soon.
