I recognize the need for me to let go...of what was, what is, and what could've been. It isn't healthy for me to dwell on all of these things. I do have many happy memories of my H and our R. And i will always have them. I don't have many regrets, but there is really nothing i can do about what has happened in the past. The only thing i can do is learn from my mistakes.
Maybe one day my H will realize all that he has lost. But, i can't pin my hopes on someday. I can only deal with today's reality. I have been telling myself for months that i need to take this one day at a time, otherwise i get too anxious. So, i have to remind myself of that. Nobody knows what the future holds. So, i have to stop speculating.
There is a song, i think by Aerosmith, with these lyrics: "nothing lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change.
Its a shame that my H isn't willing to take a risk on me and our M. I'll never understand why. I don't think he understands it. He needs to deal with the consequences of his actions.
I know that i don't want to be miserable anymore. And it will probably take a while for me to get through those feelings. I am sure they will re-surface at significant times (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries). But, i will deal with that then. I do believe that this ordeal has made me stronger. I just hope that i can get through the next weeks and months, as i have a feeling that they will be the hardest i have ever experienced.
