She does not trust me because she thinks I twist and distort the truth when relaying events to our counselor. I tell both her and the counselor that what I say is purely from my point of view and is my reality
SO.
Sounds like her problem then. How much of your time is spent running around trying to figure out replies to your W cobra? How much of your resources are being 'tasked' to fix all the R problems? at her behest? Stop letting her point a finger.
I told her that the fact she wants to argue over facts of what happened is exactly what Schnarch says on p.108
Has this every worked for you in the past as a 'tactic' towards resolution? NO. why are you still doing it?
has more to do with her than with me. Yes.
So my job is to validate her as much as I can to relieve this insecurity, hoping that she will lower her defenses and begin to differentiate
No. thats not your job. Your job is to get rid of your insecurities and differentiate.... hate that word.. lovingly detach, which most people feel as acceptance, and lose your defensiveness.
I can slowly lessen my anxiety and anger and just sit back and let her dance around by herself Bingo. and to add to that....while enforcing your boundaries. That takes Firmness. Not anger.
