Quote: But with my bf, I've become much more differentiated, and when his stuff needs work, I resist interfering. Not all the time, but most of the time. Even so, I dragged him to a R workshop, and insisted that he go into therapy. But I stay out of his finances, his housekeeping, and when he was drinking (mercifully he quit two years ago), I went to alanon. It's been a real path of growth for me to hold myself back from "smothering."
Gosh. This really struck a chord with me. Not because I see myself as ever having been smothering or overly involved in H/X/Bf's issues. But because I do see myself, over time, as pulling away from involvement to protect myself from hurt.
But you're putting such a positive spin on this process (and, obviously, it is a positive development for you). While for me, I see it as largely a negative. As being less able to care or trust (see my response to Cobra)
Quote: If you have time, read the article on heather's thread ("Am I creating an SSM?") on The Stockholm Syndrome. It talks about how we get bonded to people who are unkind and even abusive.
