I'm back....and the book still hasn't arrived, so I can't give you any feedback on that.
But part of the vacation was spent with my father, and being with him really opened my eyes to how little he cares about me. He didn't ask a single question about my work or my life and showed no interest in my S14.
Instead, my father talked about himself and his other "grandchildren" (my stepmother's grandchildren) and all the things that he does with them and how much time he spends with them. Oddly enough, he doesn't seem to have time to spend with my son.
I found myself getting incredibly angry. But I bit my tongue, because I knew it would be pointless to express my feelings.
I did point out that my brother and his wife could use some help with their new baby. But my father (with no sense of irony) said that he really didn't have time, since he needed to be available for my stepmother's grandchildren.
Anyway, I don't mean to whine tooo much about my father. But it definitely gives me insight into why I'm willing to accept so little from my X.
Long ago, one of my therapists asked me if I had ever felt smothered by my parents. I started laughing and I told her that I couldn't imagine what that would feel like. And I guess that, if I look back, I've always gravitated towards men who replicated the distant style of my parents. (Except, of course, for one guy, who drove me crazy with his emotional demands and always wanted to talk about the relationship)
Just babbling here. And I guess that recognizing a problem doesn't necessarily bring you any closer to solving it.
