I'm low on energy, so I struggle with 'pointing' the way to you, instead of just giving you the roadmap. So my next piece of advice may fall shallow, because it is indeed the roadmap, instead of the compass. But I don't want to leave you hanging.
You need 'spiritual' development. Not talking 'you need to get religion,' or start going to church every Sunday... tho that may be it for you.
You need to meet and become intimately familiar with this part of yourself. Find your spiritual path.
