Corri: You know, coincidencly I've actually read that book (along with Men Who Can't Love) and saw myself in *alot* of it. Unfortunately, like most self-help books, it's a lot better at identifying the problem, than coming up with workable solutions.
Maybe the detactment/acceptance thing is the best I can do right now. But (see below) while it does help to a certain extent, there are definitely cracks in my facade, when all my bottled-up rage and sadness explode.
Quote: If possible, or not to emotionally destructive, I would like to know H's opinion on who filed for the D.
I think he would say it was a mutual decision. My take on it was that he was getting alot a pressure from his then-girlfriend: "What do you mean you're not *really* divorced?" But I went along with it, thinking that it would free me to pursue my own life and relationships.
Quote: I think there is more to it then this. Or you wouldnt have froze out freezer guy.
Maybe so. But I hardly think freezer guy is "worthwhile" dating material. He's just - or mostly -- interested in having me available for booty call(s).
See above on the $ issue. Frankly, I feel that if we were making as much progress on the sex/affection issue as on the money issue, I would be overjoyed.
I haven't really adressed this before. But X has a serious anger management issue. I've been having a hard time at work (mostly the adjustments and issues that come with moving to a new department). I'm doing my best to address the issues and enlist support of higher ups. But it can be very difficult, because my ex-boss (who's furious that I left her department) takes every opportunity to constantly harrass me.
So I'm tough at work, but when I come home, I'm depressed and withdrawn. Which, for some reason infuriates X. In fact, last night, he picked up a heavy marble bookend and threatened to bash my head in with it.
I told him that if he ever did that again, I would call the police and he would find himself in jail, starting a *close personal relationship* with his new cellmate, Bubba.
But sometimes, I think he's just plain pyscho. Which, yes, I know, doesn't speak well of me in staying with him.
last night, he picked up a heavy marble bookend and threatened to bash my head in with it.
I told him that if he ever did that again, I would call the police and he would find himself in jail, starting a *close personal relationship* with his new cellmate, Bubba.
But sometimes, I think he's just plain pyscho. Which, yes, I know, doesn't speak well of me in staying with him.
The correct answer is "This isn't working. We need to stop enabling each other's destructive behavior and move on." "We are divorced. Let's act like it. We will BOTH be better off."
Oh Landica, this is quite a mess of a situation. I know you joke about it at times (defense mechanism) but I'm sure you are seriously concerned about it or you wouldn't be here. Obviously it goes waaaaayyy beyond SSM.
The real issue is NOt your R with HIM but your R will all men it seems to me. You made the comment that you have basically never had a good R. Always pick the wrong guys. Or they pick you. Maybe you need to focus on that and ask yourself why.
Quote: The real issue is NOT your R with HIM but your R will all men it seems to me. You made the comment that you have basically never had a good R. Always pick the wrong guys. Or they pick you. Maybe you need to focus on that and ask yourself why.
Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.
Seriously, you are 100% right. The answer is -- well --- I'm not sure. FOO issues? Sure. My own subconscious fear of intimacy? Absolutely.
But part of me says that these are problems that can't be solved, only managed. And that they're going to follow me into any relationship I get involved in. You know, wherever you go, there you are. (see Landica's confession thread). They just emerge in different ways.
And how to *fix* myself? It seems like, to say the least, an uphill battle.
So, here I am at work, drafting jury instructions for a trial that, most likely, is never going to happen. A metaphor for my life??
With any luck, things (meaning work) will get a little less stressful in the coming weeks and I'll have more time to think/act with regard to my relationship.
But right now, I need to concentrate on whether "aiding and abetting" really has a "willfulness" requirement in our court.
Nonetheles, if anyone has any specific ideas on how to "fix" myself, toss them my way.
Quote: Tell me...how do you know when you are happy?
Well, I *feel* happy. Things that normally would get to me don't bother me. I put on my ipod and dance while I'm cooking. I make jokes and have fun with my son. I reach out more to people, arrange to do things. I don't worry as much. I feel better about myself. I can accomplish more.
