If possible, or not to emotionally destructive, I would like to know H's opinion on who filed for the D.
I guess I feel that no worthwhile man would date me if I told the truth and said, "Oh, by the way, I'm living with my ex-husband."
I think there is more to it then this. Or you wouldnt have froze out freezer guy.
since he doesn't like compliments or me making a "big deal" out of positive things that he does. I try to keep my positive comments very low key, but I think he sees them (partly correctly) as implicitly pressuring him
remove the implicit pressure. Only praise him when it is truly warranted, but look for them. Ignore his comments about not liking it. That is just a defense to unsuccessfully block out feeling warm fuzzies from you.
When he touched your arm. Did you show him you appreciated it. allow yourself to glow. appreciate it but dont chase for more.
I've taken over the responsibility of paying off big chunks of his debt because he just can't seem to do it.
Do you want to be his mom or his W/lover? If thats possible, you cant be his mom also. Pick one.
I would say divvy up the house hold expenses split them by percentage (your income compared to his) and hand him a budget or spreadsheet and say this is what I am paying for. I would consider a home remodel part of that.
Do you go on these Vacations? whats fair? what does he think is fair? if he doesnt care or wont discuss it then whatever you decide is fair.
if you decide to move on at some point he will have to figure it out. He had to do it when you were seperated. stop enabling. you cant make him stop, but you dont have to assist. If he can overcome alcohol addiction he can figure out how to pay his bills. he just needs the proper motivation. Shake the cage -a little. If he doesnt like it, he can go.
Time to lovingly detach before you reach uncaringly unattached.
