Quote:

If we had never been married, I might consider a marriage contract just a piece of paper. But we were married. And now we're not. I think of myself as single. It actually would mean a tremendous amount to me if X wanted to get really, legally remarried. But I know he doesn't want to. And that hurts. And makes me feel less committed to him. And also more worried that he'll leave (which, yeah, I know, might not be such a bad thing). But, for me, it's not the same as being married.




questions.

If your H was to dramtically change and the R be better, what difference would that POP make on your day to day life, your R, and your emotions?

Since things arent good why do you wnat that POP.
Who filed for the D?

You feel single? Why arent you out dating and acting single then?

Its not the same you said. what is the difference?

Im not going anywhere with this, so dont try to figure out my motives for it. I just want clarification, at this particular moment, at any rate.

I think it would not be a good thing if he left. MO.

his current behavior seems pretty normal considering the sitch.

Quote:

X has been in VERY EXTENSIVE therapy in the past, but it hasn't helped him at all. Quite the opposite, in fact



Most Foo driven therapy is about revisiting, delving, understanding, etc. Being a non emotion liking kinda guy, this approach for H, forcing him to actually RE-live all that horrible crap is going to make things worse. The "therapist" is just going in with a shovel and flinging crap from one stall to another. Not helpful.

What he needs is repetitive, baby steping actions that result in Positive emotional reactions/ memories/responses. This requires a lot of patience on your part for him to reach out, give him a positive response and wait for him to reach out again.

He does have need for physical touch, etc. He is human. as he is proving.

You say your H has overcome alcohol addiction, and some other addictions? He is a 'succesful' functioning member of society, to boot, --excepting his personal interactions with you, we will acknowledge --
Id say he is quite mentally strong, resiliant, and has overcome a lot, despite the muckings about by irresponsible pyschs and other respected figures in his life.

more questions... (with reasons though)

why did he have his affair?
did he say? why do you think?
and lastly, you say he makes substantially more then you, but you are paying off the debt.... .