For the spouse who is not in MLC, the perception is always that the MLC spouse is doing things to hurt them. They are not. At least not intentionally.
The MLC person is running from their pain, and are in great fear. They are in search for happiness. They have carried painful emotions inside of them since childhood, and now these feelings have come to the surface again. Instead of trying to understand these feelings, they run from them and seek pleasure to bury their pain.
A MLC person mistakes PLEASURE, for HAPPINESS. The PLEASURE they get out of being irresponsible, self centered, free living is mistaken for finding true happiness. The OW/OM to them brings PLEASURE, which they equate to HAPPINESS.
It is percieved by the LBS that the WAS is the cause of all their pain and unhappiness. Just as the WAS justified their reason for leaving in the first place.
If we place our HAPPINESS in the hands of others, we will be very dissapointed most of the time. Happiness is a choice. We can choose to understand what true happpiness is and then try and make it a part of our daily thinking and attitude.
Happiness is within us. It does not come from the external world of the right spouse, the right home the right car the right job. If we continue to look for happiness through this external power, we will have feelings of nothing is ever "good enough." Seeking contentment with what we have vs. what we don't have is part of the step towards happiness.
When we hang onto the thought that our happiness is determined on whether our spouse comes back or returns to who we thought they used to be, we are not taking control of our own happiness. Happiness is achieved through our own thoughts and attitude, It is not controlled by others. It is within our own control, yet we give that control to others.
The only things within our control is our own thoughts, our attitude, and the choices we make.
Try asking yourself this question before you make your next choice. "Will this choice I am about to make bring me happiness?" I believe it will give you an opportunity to look at your choices from a different perspective.
