Well, I asked a few days ago if I should show some compassion and buy W real bed while she is away.
When she moved out of our room into her massage room, she has been sleeping on a fold away bed which is at best painful, and at worst a hammock.
Lately she's had neck and back issues so she put the thin mattress on the floor to get better support.
Because I told her in the very beginning that if she 'wanted independence' by demanding a divorce and having an affair then she had to earn her OWN money to buy her OWN clothes, toothpaste, shampoo etc and she had to pay half the utilities while living in the house. I pay everything else.
She barely makes enough money to deal with her personal expenses and can't pay her half of the utilities. But she's trying to start her business up so I'm patient.
Well, it just pains me to see her sore every day when I could easily fork out $200 and buy a decent twin bed mattress and frame.
So, should I or not?
One vote from a friend said that would be 'so like me, to be so caring'. She felt it would be a positive by showing W that even though she want's 'out' I love her enough to do something caring like that.
Another friend says 'nope, she HAS a bed. It's in YOUR room and she chose to leave it.' She can sleep there any time she wants to. she made her choice so she has to live with it. And since she want's to be 'independent' she might take this as me showing her she can't make it on her own.
Seems like a silly thing to be discussing, but it's really part of the larger DB'ing issue of 'being the supportive one' for a spouse who has left you. I can give her anything she needs and it's been very very hard stopping myself from giving her anything material.
I do give her emotional support, but only to a point. My limits there are that I will not try to 'fix' anything for her any more. I'll listen and be understanding, but I won't put MYSELF into a position where I can be hurt.
