Quote: You know Frank I wonder at times if waiting is the wrong thing to do.
'Waiting' and not moving forward through life is the wrong thing to do. That's where I get stuck a lot. I don't move. I stay frozen in my life. But I do know I NEED to give it all the time it needs. I would hate myself if I ever learned that I was a week or so from her figuring this all out.
Quote: I think to myself like tonight while all alone in a one bedroom apartment what am I doing. Then the next second, well you get the picture.
Yeah, me too. Sometimes I think I WOULD LIKE TO BE all alone in a one bedroom apt. That way at least I wouldn't see W all the time, and have to live through the days when it hurts to be so close, and unwanted. But then, I'd really miss the girls. They are upset enough when I work late now...
Quote: Is waiting the right thing to do or shocking my wife with papers. Just a thought.
Sometimes I just want to say 'here, lets do this NOW'. I told Counselor last week that I was in a place where I felt so out of control, so rejected by her that I could see myself being the filer. It's like I want to slap her into reality and say 'Sh*t, or get off the pot!'. Do SOMETHING. Anything. It's like I'm 'just here'. Sometimes invisible.
But then, I can see how she must have felt, when I was in my place of confusion in my life. I didn't talk much, I just wallowed in my indecision. She wanted me to pay attention to her but I didn't. She didn't know how I felt about her then. I don't know how she feels about me now. It all makes some kind of sense to me now.
Quote: I just think at a certain time on my clock I should throw in the towel and go be happy.
Go be 'happy' now. Being happy shouldn't be based on her being there or not. Easy for me to say, I feel the same way you do. I DO know that there will be a limit on how long I will be content being 'alone'. It won't be 'years', that's for sure.
Will tomorrow be 'the day'? I don't think there is a 'day'. I think the 'wake up' happens over the course of a week. AmyC may have more to say about that.
W called about an hour ago from her hotel. She sounded very 'up' and glad to be there. Good to hear that. She talked to me for all of a minute then asked to talk to the girls. I felt bad, but then she pretty much always did that on other trips - She's usually rushed and wants to give the girls as much time as she can. She knows I can take care of myself emotionally.
But, of course I feel rejected. I need to stop that.
