Hey there, Frank - Can I talk to you a little bit about loving detachment? Right now you are in angry detachment mode. It works in a primitive way to wall off your feelings against more hurt, but it keeps you tied to the pain and the misery, and tends not to lead in a direction you really want to go.
Loving detachment comes when you can take a step back from your situation. When you can realize it's not all about you. That she has issues and problems that are hers alone, that not everything she is doing is a reaction to you. And that you really don't NEED her in order to be happy and fulfilled in your life, although you may WANT her.
I understand your anger. It's normal to be furious with someone who is hurting your kids in such a serious way. But at the same time, try to find a little Buddhist compassion for your wife. If as you say you were clinically depressed for 5 years - well, living with a depressed spouse myself, I can say that must have been very difficult and lonely for her.
And right now, she is confused and desperate like most WASs. Heading down a path that will likely lead her to a sad and unfulfilled life. If she's anything like my H was, she really has no idea what she's doing or why - just feels like an animal caught in a trap, gnawing her own leg off to escape.
Now - I'm not saying you should be a doormat or anything. And if you truly want to choose the last resort, I think it would be fine to tell her you've thought about it, decided she is right, you deserve someone who will treat you much better, and how soon can she move? But sleep on it a bit, don't make a decision like that out of the pain you are currently feeling.
You cannot control the choices she makes. But you DO have control over yourself and your decisions. You can choose to have joy in your life right now, separate from whatever is happening in the marriage. What is an outside activity you can focus on to get your mind away from the marriage for a while? (I trained to climb Mount Whitney - Tripletmom is learning to scuba dive - TJ is taking salsa lessons). Think outside the box. Take a break from worrying about the marriage.
As for your depression - what treatment are you getting for it now, may I ask?
