Quote: you know something. You cant make a happy marriage until you are happy. That is Love or Relationship 101.
Just a thought. I think it is really important.
Of course that's true. And you know what? W is living in a false 'happy'. I know you're trying to help and this rant isn't aimed at you...
I know all the F*ing rhetoric. The 'slogans', the sayings, the lessons, the chants, sayings, whatever. "Give it to God" "Let her go" blah blah blah.
Nobody was there for me for the past many years. NOBODY.
Nobody is there for me now. If I didn't have the few friends I made on the board I'd have nowhere to go. My 'real life' friends think she is a whore for what she did, and that she is USING ME to support her until she gets on her feet and can support herself.
How about a "THANKS FRANK" from her?
These mood swings she goes through kick my ass. Why am I having to go through all this, all of it? all at once? My jobs are falling apart because I can't focus. I hurt all the time. I had 5 days where I felt normal with her and she took it allaway, now she's nothing but a detached, emotionless, 'I want what I want' woman. It seems like the only time she softens up to me is when she feels alone or needs to be supported.
How about just once she says "THANKS FRANK" for being there for me while I divorce you, for helping me find my way to a sustainable source of income while I take half your stuff. FOr picking me up emotionally when I feel afraid I won't make it, even though you are at your lowest of low?
How about that? How can someone who loved me 4 months ago feel like she can do what she is doing, and not even try to appreciate it?
Yesterday my counselor asked me a question after I said this. She asked "During your marriage, did Lorri tell you that she appreciated the work you did to support the family financially?" I had to THINK about it. I remembered maybe 3-4 times in 15 years. And most were during the depression times, when she thought she HAD to find good things to say to 'make me feel needed".
Counselor said that was not enough times for a healthy relationship. Oops, guess she didn't do so well then did she?
So gals, if you're listening, your husband NEEDS to hear that his sacrifices are appreciated.
We went for an exercise walk this morning and she was talking about how our D10 was going to Redwood middle school this next fall. I ALMOST said "You think so? Well we're going to have to sell our F'king house this summer since I am not going to be able to pay for you to have a place to live and I sure as hell don't want to live with you any more by then if you can't commit to a relationship!!!!!!!" So D10 will be going to whatever school is in the area "I" end up living in. You will end up in Simi or Moorepark where it's affordable housing. ALL ALONE. IN a studio apt. Isn't that great?"
"Oh, and I'm glad you were able to spend the "special" times with me a couple weeks ago, reaffirming your 'womanhood' after your "soulmate" did't quite work out. Whoopsie! Glad I could be of service. I hope I didn't catch anything. And let me pay for you the rest of your life too. It's what I live for. But don't BOTHER EVER THINKING THAT YOU might, just might, ever have to be supportive of ME. Just take from me like you always have.
I'm a bottomless well of strength and support.
The anger, hatred and rage I have towards this 'woman' is immense right now. Luckily I can get out and go to my office and not go home tonite till everyone is in bed.
Quote: Amy:
As I said yesterday, you can't help her. And if you neglect yourself much longer you won't be able to help ANYONE and that includes your kids.
The only way to help myself is to get rid of her. She is toxic. On the surface she is a sweet woman. Inside she is selfish. SHe doesn't want me, so why am I helping her? She didn't help me when I was in need. In my WHOLE life no woman has ever treated me like this.
Help her do WHAT? She has her life all planned out. WHAT does she need help with? Oh wait, sometimes she feels scared so she needs me to whine at.
Yes, I do want her to be a success at her career. But what about me? It isn't fair, I've had enough. Where is my share of love and support and life? She takes more than she gives.
And her two best friends are the biggest losers on the planet. They support her stupid decisions because they are stupid. The friends that AREN'T she won't talk to because they might tell her things she doesn't want to admit to. Gee Lorri, you actually DO love Frank. He actually IS a good man. Oops, that would mean you - made a big mistake! You're 'knight in shining armor' you ran off to didn't save you. You have to face your life .... but don't worry ... you can still run away because Frank is such a GOOD man he will take care of you while you run. And you don't have to be grateful at all! Cool!
But then, she has been timidly bumbling through her whole f'ing life living off me emotionally, and for a short while her 'knight' too. Whoops, forgot, HE was living off HER, While SHE was living off ME.
I am a man of my word, of integrity. I made promises. I will keep them. I just cannot believe I am being treated like this by my childrens mother. I keep having to push the thoughts out of my mind that she is just - STUPID.
I hate that part. Thinking she is STUPID, because I have had to defend her so many times to D15, who is intellectually like me. We talk abut things that are over W's head and D15 will comment on 'mom won't get it'. I tell her not to speak that way about her mom. I've been always defending her, protecting her when I can. Where is the thanks? I guess because I let my own life slip up I don't get a thanks. It's been negated by here 'suffering'.
I can feel myself shutting down, letting it turn to total emotional disconnect. I don't care what happens to her any more. Even if she has to live in a flea infested dump somewhere. Too bad. She won't make it. She won't make it without SUPPORT. because SHE is not ME. I MAKE IT. No matter what.
The problem for HER is that the next time she needs support she can go to hell. Boo Hoo. Maybe she can find some new guy to screw in exchange for fake love. She's pretty enough and nice to everyone else so I'm sure there are other suckers out there.
I won't be there any more. I quit. She's not worth it. Unless she wakes up, at the end of March I'm telling her that we will be selling the house in June, she can take her half and get the f*uck out, and by the way, enjoy your life.
The kids will just love her for that. But, if she doesn't love me and doesn't want to work on our marriage and family then what am I waiting for? This is not my idea of 'fun' any more.
