Frank, Sorry if I was projecting too much, and I was not familiar with details.
You have the right track. Detach. She will come if she wishes...but remove yourself from the madness that is someone else's life. You have enough on your own plate.
If she has a meltdown again, be there for her, but, as you said, in a detached way. She has to learn to pick herself back up and be a happy person on her own, as we all do.
