Frank...you got me thinking of how my H is different now in positive ways that have shown me that he has changed. SO, I wanted to share with you. Again, if I'm off, please accept my sorries!
* H is EXCITED about his life, job, etc. That makes me happy. So, whatever your hopes, dreams are, or whatever you're excited about...share this with her. Don't look at her reaction....how about things in your business, talk about how it's been going solo. Talk to her like a friend, just sharing, not needing her to save/reassure, etc. Any other things in your life that is new that you can share the excitement with?
* Friends--made me happy to see H with new friends, going out to do things and happy. I didn't see him as a person that wanted to disengage from people and social settings.
* Your W seems social, and that must be an important trait for her in a mate. It was for me. Not that he had to be a party animal, but at least happy to be out with me, happy to be a "couple"....be enthused to be out with her and in social settings. I know you HATE her friends, but don't act it. Use it as an opportunity to show them as well that you're an outgoing guy. Don't act, just whatever you're comfortable with.
* Let her go out, have a fun time. Ask her about it when she comes home and be happy/excited for her. Not prying, or pursuing, just friendly conversation.
* If you vent about life, it's normal, but do it in a healthy way. No neediness from her, reassurances. Vent, tell her that it felt good, and now you're ready to see the brighter side, solutions, etc. H does this and it really helps me to see that he can see beyond his despair. It makes me want to comfort him. I know you may be afraid to vent with her now, for fear of showing that you can get down, but if you handle it well, it can be an opportunity for you to share.
* Get into life. Explore, think of new things to do with family and initiate. Have a good time and take the initiative to build good memories. Likely she feels like a caretaker to your emotions and this is a good way to alleviate that.
* If she expresses feeling down, etc tell her you understand, listen and DO NOT react or feel negative. Don't show her that she is affecting the rest of your life...she will feel guilty and resentful.
