Quote: She just left a few minutes ago to go to her friends house. Everyone is being needy here (D15, D10) and she put her hand on my cheek and asked 'Are YOU going to be ok?' to which I said "I'm fine, nothing wrong with me. Have a good time".
I'm slowly thinking that she went through that 'week of connection' with me to help her feel desirable and lovable since she got screwed over by OM. It seems like all of a sudden she got scared she was depending on ME again for her self worth and shut it all down. That has affected MY feelings and I am coming across as slightly needy.
I hope this doesn't mean she was going through a phase and is now back on course for her 'independence' and divorce mode.
I'm feeling VERY anxious right now. I just feel like doing 'nice things' last nite and this morning make me look needy or kiss-butt. I agree with Becca, that it's the nice things that count.
I'm also freaking out because I'm imagining that her time with her friend will be spent talking about her 'new life' and how she's working to be financially independent of me, with her friend of course being her cheerleader for getting 'out'.
It isn't that she'll tell W to 'keep going and get out on your own', she'll just reinforce that 'if it's what you think you should be doing, then do it'. Because it is her 'life path'. Last time she saw her in December, she gave W a bunch of condoms. Does this mean anything? Well at the time she had OM and was 'going for it'. Now W is scared of relationships. It's just that is the type of friend she is.
Although in the end, it'll be W who makes her decisions in life, now won't it? And she'll only do what she knows 'feels right'. And if staying in the family and building a new relationship with me feels right, then she will do it, right? She's not that far gone.
I just feel so alone right now. This really sucks. I almost wish we hadn't had that week of intimacy because it's like losing her all over again.
