This morning was quiet. At one point W was jokingly complaining that she wanted some 'pop tarts' but there weren't any. I said I'd go get them and she replied that I didn't have to keep doing things all the time. I told her I LIKE doing things for people, especially her. So after a minute of getting it to sink in that I wasn't doing things to 'get her back' or something she added a few other things to the 'list' and I went to the store. When I came back she was grateful.
I had to then go pick up D15 from a sleepover and W came over to me and gave me a hug saying "You're so busy with us this morning".
Little later this morning she asked me about putting up a new decorative wall light we bought BEFORE the bomb. So we talked about the things we'd need to do and made a plan. Just trying to make our house look nicer I guess.
She took off to go with D10 to sell Girl Scout cookies.
While she's out, her friend who I did a lot of work with to make a massage video, for practically free, calls. W is planning on going to her house tonite to swap massages. Now, I don't really like this person that much now that I have seen her actions during our crisis.
She has taken W to an Xmas party as a 'single' and has an attitude that if you are following 'your path' whatever you do is ok, even of it ends your marriage because you are supposed to be in a 'higher place' and it's all part of your kids 'life lessons' too. I mentioned this to MY counselor months ago, who is a spiritual counselor also, and she said that the major spiritual rule is NOT to harm others because you will build up bad energy. C's opinion is this girl has a lot of unfinished emotional business in her life and is ignoring it. She is one of the TWO people W talks to abou ther OM experience and other stuff and surprisingly enough those two women are single, 30'ish, way overweight and not very successful in relationships.
And, for someone who I did so much stuff for, putting in about 80- hours with her making her a video DVD which she sells at her classes she teaches, she has NEVER e-mailed me in 3 months to see how I am doing. But she HAS asked W to ask me to make changes to their website to put her B.S. 'Goddess name' up instead of her real name. OH, and she did e-mail me once asking how to set up her e-mail on a new computer. But didn't ask how I was doing.
There is no place in my heart for someone like that. She knows what W did with OM, and before she DID it I talked with her about it, and how much it would hurt me, and she didn't do anything to influence her to stop what she was doing. How can I like someone like that? And she's studying to be a 'Spiritual Counselor'?
So, I answer the phone and she knows it's me and asks me 'how are you doing?' like we're old friends. I say I'm fine and tell her W is not here and she should call her cell. She says 'ok' I say BYE. End of conversation.
It's causes me anxiety that she's going to visit her tonite. But I know it's (a) Sunday, so she won't be going 'out'. and (b) W is looking forward to a massage very much as she needs it badly. and (c) She plans on coming home late, not staying overnite. and (d) the more I support W in doing this the more she will feel like the 'cage door' will stay open no matter what.
It still pushes my buttons though. I have this vision in my mind that this 'friend' will have some 'social event' set up and want to take W with her. Probably my own insecurities.
Even if she DID, it might be good for W to meet more losers so she can see how lucky she is to have me.
These are MY insecurities. I need to suppress them.
So, overall W is still keeping her distance. I was hopeful a week ago, now I"m back to just working my detachment. It is interesting to notice that last nite, when she was in need of love and nurturing she stayed with me till she got it from me. Isn't that what a relationship is all about?
i"m blah today. And we haven't had sex or done any of the intimate things we were doing in 10 days. No cuddling, no happy hugs, just 'friend' hugs every other day.
