Quote: You know what? I think it is a "test' of sorts. I think she is withholding those things from you to try to get you to collapse into the "needy" Frank of yesteryear. Don't let her push your buttons! Keep doing what you are doing, with the KNOWLEDGE that she is bound to pull away a bit and when she comes back out, it will be for good. You are doing great, don't let this get you down at all. i think it is all a part of the procedure.
Yes, that is a possibility. I also think it's the opposite possibility too. SHE was starting to feel things for ME, and mistook it for 'needyness' on her part. That matches her talks with me about how I 'fill her cup' for her. Basically last week she was using me to make herself feel better. She felt like a lot of her life was out of control, but by using her 'womanly charms' she could control ME, and validate that she was desirable. That way she could feel secure. But it got too comfortable and that had to scare her. So now she has to shut down.
Tonite she had some massages to do so I ended up coming home early to be there for D10. Then D10 went over to a friends, and D15 is gone for the nite too. So the house is empty from 6:30 till about 8:30.
W called me a few minutes ago (6:40) to let me know she was done with her massages and to ask if D10 had gone over to her friends. I said 'yes, she's gone till 8:30 or so. W says "Oh, so the house is empty?". I say 'yes, except for me'. So she says "Well, I think I'm going to go to the bookstore to hang out". I reply "Ok, have fun. I'll be at home".
I'm thinking "How Grand this is. The house is empty and I can't spend quality time with my wife. Last week she would have come home to fool around"
Oh well. I go to my office and decide to catch up on some threads here. About 20 minutes later W comes home. ??????? I don't bother to get up and go to greet her, but stay in my office. She knows that I saw she is home because I have a video camera so I can see when someone's at the front door.
About 2 minutes later she comes in my office and says she went to the grocery store and got some fancy bread and a salad and if I want I can share it with her, and she's going to watch a DVD I had rented (Don Juan De Marco). She said it was an 'impulse' and that our Counselor had told her the other day to follow her impulses. I also noticed she didn't make eye contact with me often while speaking.
Ok, I guess the bookstore didn't seem so much fun then.
I make a fire in the fireplace and we eat and watch the movie, which is pretty funny and interesting. We don't sit on the couch together, she sits in a separate chair. Anyway, we have some laughs, she looks at me a few times, nothing exciting happens. In one scene the man 'falls in love, it's love at first sight' and W says "Ha, there's no such thing as love at first sight" and I say "There is in Hollywood". For those who don't remember, wife met OM and it was 'instant soulmate, I'm in love!'. How hypocritical.
Movie's over, time to also pick up D10 from her friends and put her to bed. I pick her up, W puts her to bed, and then comes into my room and says 'good nite frank'. Says she's going to bed and read a little. I say good nite, she leaves. End of story.
I think I came across as neutral, maybe ever so slightly perturbed or uncomfortable. She came upstairs a few minutes later to ask me something about her car. We talked for a couple minutes and then she said 'well, good nite' and just went into her room. I don't think she could have been more detached, disconnected, emotionless than she was just then.
I guess I can see by her actions tonite that she is 'shut down', everything she does is superficial. She's doing a good job of shutting me out.
I don't deserve to be treated like this. No explanation, no 'gee I feel like I was leading you on' or 'I don't think we should be doing what we did last week'. Just nothing. That is such B.S.
Well she has successfully helped me to detach, I really don't want to be around her any more right now. She's dull and unpredictable. I'm starting to feel the way I felt about 3 weeks ago, didn't want her any more, didn't want to care any more. This time though I'm not 'empty', I have a glass that is more than half full. I don't know if I can say the same for her.
Tomorrows another day. I"m not going to give her any attention. I will be up and smiling when I see her.
