Hmm, this morning is part of the continued downward cycle. W was pleasant but seemingly uncaring. It's raining which always makes most people in SoCal blah since it's almost always sunny. I mentioned this but she said she wasn't feeling blah at all. I told her I would take D10 to school and she got on me, saying I had stated yesterday that I am going to work earlier and staying longer this week because I had some projects that I have to get done so I should let her take her.
I said I wanted to spend the time with D10 this morning and it'll be fine.
She also told me that D10 would have to be alone from 5-7 while she went to do some massages tonite. I said I would come home then and she again gave me grief because I had said I needed to lock myself away at the office so I could get this project off my back. I said that it's doesn't seem to be practical right now, and I don't want D10 alone that long. I decided to compromise and said I'd come home by 6 so she's only alone for a little while.
She gave me some grief last nite too because I chose to stop working at 9pm and spend a couple hours with her watching TV and massaging her feet, which she liked. I told her she is a slave driver and she laughed.
I think she is testing to see if I will DO what I SAY. I am, but it's turning out that I can only keep focus for a few hours , then I need to get away from working. Or, maybe she wants me the hell out of the house. I don't know. I must be giving off 'needy' signals.
Later I walked into her room and she was sitting on her bed facing away from the door. She layed down so she could see me over her head. As she was lying on her bed looking up at me I stood over her head and told her she looked funny upside down. Then I bent down and kissed her on the lips. She didn't kiss back at all. Ice Queen. So I said 'you even kiss funny upside down'.
As a last 'test' I said to her that I didn't have to go for a half hour so maybe we could go 'play' a little, to start our day with some good energy! She said "No, I'm not in the mood, maybe some other time." I smiled and said 'ok!' and left the room.
Got my stuff together and walked to the door. I walked by her, kind of close and said a loud 'BYE!' with a smile, she said 'BYE' and stood there for a second. I said 'SEE YOU LATER!' and she said 'ME TOO'. I was waiting for her to do something but she didn't, she turned and walked into her room. I left.
I don't get this at all. Last week, and last friday nite we're close and intimate while watching TV. Sunday she comes back from an overnite at her friends determined not to become dependent on me 'filling her cup' and is pretty cold and keeps her distance. Stays distant all week. Last nite she's outgoing and friendlier but this morning she's back to being distant.
I foolishly let myself get used to the attention of last week. And she's making 'divorce' related comments more often. Hadn't heard her say anything for a while.
It was good while it lasted though. It's like a drug - you get a 'fix' and you want more. Suddenly your source is gone and you're off balance.
Maybe it's because we're just getting into a new moon phase?
I guess I should ignore her completely. I've reached out to her and gotten blocked.
I rented "Don Juan DeMarco" and hopefully we will watch it tonite. It's supposed to be a good chick flick or couples movie.
