David, I want to be blunt but I do not want to make you angrier.
You are too angry to see this situation clearly. You are still blaming. You need to back off a little and see things objectively. You are panicking and scared and there is nothing you can do right now except to wait things out.
You want success stories, go over to piecing. You want to hear about stories of people who are working their arses off to become better people and forgive their spouses, then go to midlife crisis or separated.
There are no guarantees with DBing. No promises. Just hope and faith. And GAL and working on ourselves not our spouses.
AND if you want me to be truly honest with you......
WE have all done something wrong to contribute to the demises of our relationships. Every single one of us.
Go to separated and read up on COG. Ask him for some advice.
You had an affair in 1989, you keep referring to it as though it was nothing and it was 17 years ago so what the hell. To her it was a big deal. She may be just saying this as an excuse for her own actions but it sounds like the two of you never dealt with it properly and it has been festering for years.
Go read my thread in MLC. As I said there are no guarantees but I think we are heading in the right direction.
I am not trying to get down on you, but you need to look at you and not at her. Keep your eyes on God not on your wife.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
