That is interesting. I saw that movie....it had some interesting moments in it, but for the most part....it bored me to death. What did you think of it?
I think my H's issues came from #1 his parents didn't teach him that sex is a good thing, mine did and.....#2 I do believe he's been involved with some women (probably not all, but at least a couple) who made him feel dirty/freakish/wierd/abnormal for wanting what he did....so he learned to hide that side.
Then of course when I kept telling him what I wanted out of our R he didn't believe me. I truly do believe that he thought that the marrying type of women think sex is dirty and just for having kids. So no matter what I would say he thought...."she doesn't really mean that."
That is a VERY strange reaction from a man.... Do you know if his ED problems are physical or emotional? A reaction like that leads me to think his problems are in his head, barring some physical issue.
…#1 his parents didn't teach him that sex is a good thing, mine did
Something along these lines seems possible, or at least something from his past, but
#2 I do believe he's been involved with some women (probably not all, but at least a couple) who made him feel dirty/freakish/wierd/abnormal for wanting what he did....so he learned to hide that side.
this does not seem so likely. It’s VERY hard for me to see how a woman can make a man feel dirty/abnormal/weird about sex. Maybe the other way around, but not this way. I think the hiding tendency came from something else, but shows up with his sexual fantasies. It all seems like escapism to me – hiding his fantasies, not feeling adequate, not being assertive, falling in with more dominating women. It all fits, has a common ingredient. I’m still not convinced there isn’t a deeper layer to all this….
Going to disagree with you on this because I DO know his 1st W....who was also his 1st sexual experience. She also made him feel many, many, many of the other things you listed.
Honestly, it doesn't matter what contributed to his being that way...as long as he deals with it and gets past it.
I guess what I had in mind was further back in his FOO, say, from his parents. That is where he could have gotten the self deprecating ideas, the low esteem, which opened the door for those types of thoughts. I still thank that a man with higher self esteem, strong self identity would look a woman who tried to tell him sex was dirty and think she was off her rocker. I haven’t run across any men who think like that, so I’m thinking that if I was with a woman who told me sex was dirty, I would bounce it off other men, who would probably tell me she was nuts. I can’t see how a thought like that can take over someone’s thinking who already was a secure idea of what sex is all about.
So he must not have had strong, healthy preformed ideas, or he already had warped ideas. Both of those would have predated his first wife. Just how I see it.
I agree also that #2 is a good possibility. My first H suddenly lost his sex drive after our child was born (found out later that he was only interested in young girls, having a baby made me a woman instead of a girl) and commented one night "Do you want me to just find some young stud to F you every night?". Ever since then I've had a very very hard time even giving a hint that I might be in the mood. It absolutely damaged me. So, for the past 5 years when H and I did have sex, it was an "accident" most times, I seemed to be unable to really initiate or make the approach or even act like I was interested in it. I tried and tried to change that about me but in the end, I was terrified of being humiliated like that again. Better to pretend that I'm not really that interested, that way if he is not, I don't have to look like an idiot for wanting to. The sad thing is, it is very twisted. It is one of the first things we will be fixing togehter if I can ever get him into counseling with me and home.
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GEL re the movie Birth- It didn't do too much for me either, and I thought the scene where the little boy climbed in the bathtub with her was over the top-- gave me the creeps. However, I just love looking at Nicole Kidman... that pointy nose (Candace Bergen used to have my favorite pointy nose, but Nicole's is better) and those cat's eyes. I don't think she is the most beautiful woman in the movies (that distinction goes to Julianne Moore, and I would encourage everyone on this board to picture Julianne Moore when they read my posts ), but she is fascinating to watch.
RE Cobra It’s VERY hard for me to see how a woman can make a man feel dirty/abnormal/weird about sex
I heard a lot of fear /worrying messages about sex for a long part of my life before I met BB. I also heard lose women like sex.
Lets say, at one time I was one up tight/internal worry type guy, that eventhough sex/ML was wonderful, something in me was wondering what I might be doing wrong or when something was going to come back to bite me sometimes.
When my S was about 13 I found a porn movie in his room that looked almost homemade that a friend had brought over. I went off At the time my sexual relationship with my H had taken over my mind set and it was men are just dogs in heat blah blah that sprewed out of my mouth. Same again when I found porn hidden in his bedroom. I did not do a good job of defining that you are only 13 this is not appropriate But I did do a good job of making him feel shameful and attacked. Lucky for both me and him I realized I was reacting to my own negatives within my relationship. And put the fact that I felt he was to young to understand what these things were about and that it would be fine once he was in a more mature mind frame. He is now 15 two years down the road and while no I do still not agree he is old enough for sex or porn and so forth I make sure that is a large point in our conversations of sex. Not it is vile but you are to young to understand the full impact past the hard on. So you do not need to be viewing this or that. Had I have stayed on my orginal tangent I do believe my S would/could have thought his behavior shameful and vile hence he would be likely to not enjoy his own sexuality as exceptable. Just today we talked about if he wanted to have sex if I would buy him a sock? I told him without a doubt though I don't feel he is old enough and mature enough to be having sex I know he is not old enough or mature enough to be a father. He says he was just testing me. I am still gonna get that there sock for him just in case.
I also know that some of my H's mothers words may have hindered himself sexually. Perverts do this only a pervert would do that blah blah. In his mind since he had this urge he was a pervert ect......
I do believe that woman in the early stages can create a lot of emotional issues for males where there own sexuality can cause them to feel shameful and dirty
Sex was a taboo subject in my household. If and when my mother talked about it the conversations were negative and duty bond type convo's. I have tried to make sure that I do not make that same mistake in my household. Sometimes it does take me to a place of TMI but hey the good with the bad!
Scarey thing is LFL it is about 8 pm gotta run out and thought hmmm I need to stop at the store and get some candy the next thought that popped in my mind was I wonder what LFL is doing?
Hand down my pants nope to sore from yesterdays seeking mission. Gonna have to cut the fingernails off before I do that again.
Something must be up with the planets these days we are all being a bit raunchy lol?
), but she is fascinating to watch. 