Sorry I am just now getting around to responding to this....and thank you.
Out of curiosity does your W have control issues? Life, IMPO, isn't about learning to "control" yourself, or anyone else. For me, it's about many things....but I don't think I would have ever phrased it the way your W would.
There are appropriate places for loss of control and fantasy, one of those places is in the privacy of your own home...with that special person you share yourself with. I find it interesting that she uses the word "selfish" with you....do you ever tell her that she is also being selfish in putting her needs above yours and discounting your needs? Why is it that you are being inconsiderate to her feelings of disinterest, yet she doesn't view herself as being inconsiderate of you?
I know you've just given a snippet of your life with your W here, but just from what you've written.....it appears to me that she seems to think your R is....well, all about her.
