Sorry I am just now getting around to responding to this....and thank you.
Out of curiosity does your W have control issues? Life, IMPO, isn't about learning to "control" yourself, or anyone else. For me, it's about many things....but I don't think I would have ever phrased it the way your W would.
There are appropriate places for loss of control and fantasy, one of those places is in the privacy of your own home...with that special person you share yourself with. I find it interesting that she uses the word "selfish" with you....do you ever tell her that she is also being selfish in putting her needs above yours and discounting your needs? Why is it that you are being inconsiderate to her feelings of disinterest, yet she doesn't view herself as being inconsiderate of you?
I know you've just given a snippet of your life with your W here, but just from what you've written.....it appears to me that she seems to think your R is....well, all about her.
I'll thank him but I won't go overboard about it There's a fine line with him on that....but he'll definitely know I appreciated it.
You know...there's this big part of me that wants to know "why if you could do that last night couldn't you have done that all along!!!!" and I can't help wondering if he wasn't showing that side to me...who was he showing it to? Of course there's also that other part of me that's saying "Shut up woman!!! Just be glad he's now showing you that side now and stop questioning it!" I think I'm going to listen to the one who is telling me to shut up!
No with what I've been through and the trust he broke I can't keep myself from having questions run through my brain...what I can do is choose whether or not to let them affect what's going on and my behavior.
What I mean about a fine line with him is this....he'd really prefer I cuddle with him tonight to show my appreciation than tell him more than once verbally how much I enjoyed last night. He thanked me repeatedly the last few days for the BJ I gave him....but if I did that same type of thanking towards him for last night, he'd think it was overkill. With him too much verbal can appear insincere or manipulative like I'm hinting that we need to do that again tonight....when in reality, I know tonight is probably out for him.....tomorrow very possibly, but tonight will be a nice snuggle night and that he will like.
Trust me....I'll be able to guage if he's in the mood again tonight LOL. Last night I don't think he was really in the mood when we went to bed but he definitely got there.
That is great! And I am living vicariously. I will say that my H would also find too many verbal thank yous annoying.
Your attitude is really good. It is ok to still have down days or down thoughts or questions. I imagine that feelings like that will be there for some time to come.
Holy Cow and Shazam is right!!!!!!!!! You go girl...IMHO, listen to the voice that says just go with the flow!
Anyway, I attempted to take a page out of your book .... and asked hubby if he would like a BJ last night. We were flirting a little bit so I thought I'd go for it. He said, "NO!"...and not a "No hunny, I'm just not in the mood." It was a "No" that screamed, "What are you, nuts?" So, I tried to be like, your loss, not mine. And mumbled something to the effect that I have never heard of a guy turning down a BJ. So, that escaladed into a little arguemnt about him just not being in the mood and me saying, well all you have to do is lay there and enjoy it. I know I probablly didn't handle this the right way, but being turned down twice in one week is a blow to the ego.
Happy Friday, Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
Well that would be a blow (no pun intended) for him to turn you down that way....did he give you any indication as to why he wouldn't want that? "I'm not in the mood" is vague. I mean he was in the mood to flirt with you...but turning you down that emphatically would make me wonder wassup.
There's a fine line with him on that....but he'll definitely know I appreciated it.