Totally agree with what you are saying on why H may have felt MBing was a unexceptable thing. Females have the same issues if you MB you are slutty blah blah.
I also agree Mr Gel may feel the urges to peek at porn later. But don't feel this is as problematic as others might. If Gel is open to it Mr Gel has nothing to hide. I do not believe Gel is anti porn as much as anti lying and decieving to the point it short changes her. I think as Mr Gel becomes more secure in her exceptance of him He may take the lead in acting out some of his fantasies instead of being lead through them by Gel. Gel may find one or two that leads to a place she does not want to go. But if she listens to them and says hey I am not really into doing that but we can watch a video pertaining to that. Example alot of men fantasize about two woman Gel may not want to walk that walk but she can still play into it by watching a video with him that includes this aspect of his fantasy. She has still excepted his desire not made him feel a freak and held her boundries of what see is willing to do. She has still excepted him as is. Still loves him and finds no disgust in him so it can continue being shared EC which is a good thing.
You are absolutely correct. I have no problem with his viewing porn as long as it's not to the exclusion of me. Right now I do have a problem with it...because he needs to learn to deal with ME. My biggest problem is with the deception, the lying, and the continued charad of "working on our issues" at the MC's.
What I am trying to get across to him right now, is this....there is very little, sexually speaking, that he could ask for that would shock or disgust me. Sure, I do have my boundaries as to what I would do, but being who I am...it would be very difficult to actually shock or disgust me.
Lying to me & deceiving me however, I will not tolerate.
I agree with what you say on this. Especially this portion... (I think he needs to come to grips with his fantasizing (escaping, avoiding, etc.) and face some hard reality. He is like an adolescent boy looking at porno magazines. Nothing wrong with that as long as he can differentiate fantasy from reality and what really should turn him on.)
Yeah I never pictured you as a prudish person. More of the zesty fiesty type.
Again I feel that once your H comes to a place where he feels secure with his own sexual skin and that you will except him in his sexual skin. You two will be in a much better place.
Once my H realized it was his lying and hypocrispy over the porn and MBing issues being the issue and not his actual behavior that I would not tolerate. It has no longer been a issue. (of course the public lambasting of me about porn on the computer that had nothing to do with me really was the last straw that made me really address the issue). H now does not hide the fact he watches porn when I am not around he also does not deny he MB's with our with out me present. And I have no problem with either thing.
And I am sure if my H and I can deal with this issues you and your H will ace them with time.
I did something last night I haven't done in our M yet....I rolled over in bed while we were watching tv and flat out asked my H...."would you like a blow job?" The man almost fell out of bed LOL. Now, I'm not shy about asking something like that....but he's always made me feel like #1 weeknights were completely off limits sexually, and #2 I would be rejected....just as he always used to reject my offers for massages (which he no longer does).
He then looked at me strangely, put his hand on my forehead to check my temperature and kept looking at me like "have you lost your mind?". I didn't let this sway me....and said "It's a simple question...would you like one or not?" He repeated the temperature thing and I told him "I'm fine, I just felt like it, I've told you I like to do that, so I thought I'd see if you'd like one....a simple yes or no will be fine." He finally responded and said "I'd be an idiot to turn that down now wouldn't I?" My response was "yes, but you still haven't answered me....would you like one or not?" LOL He has this knack of not really giving me an answer, but leaving it up to me...not going for that this time.
He finally did say "yes" with a big gulp....and well, I'll leave the rest up to your imaginations....but afterwards he told me "no one has ever asked me if I'd like a BJ."....my response was "well just so you know....I've never asked anyone if they'd like one, I've always been asked.....so now we've both done something we've never done before."
This morning before he left for work I got a big kiss and a "thanks for last night!"
I refuse to suppress that side of myself any longer.
It's like a porn movie in the GEL household lately !
"It's a simple question...would you like one or not?" He repeated the temperature thing and I told him "I'm fine, I just felt like it, I've told you I like to do that, so I thought I'd see if you'd like one....a simple yes or no will be fine." He finally responded and said "I'd be an idiot to turn that down now wouldn't I?" My response was "yes, but you still haven't answered me....would you like one or not?" Guess that makes my H and idiot then Yes, he will turn down BJ's quite often. Not normal I'd say. ahhh, the ironies of this board. Glad things are cruising along for you in the sex department. Hope it lasts!
It's only that way because I'm refusing to suppress that side of myself any longer. He's going to have to learn to deal with me...as I am.
This makes (4) O's for him in a 10 day period....and the man hasn't died yet....and one was even on a weeknight. I'm out to blow that moratorium too (no pun intended LOL).
