You have to understand right now I'm waaaaay wary of things, BUT having said that. I do think he is making some honest attempts. Of course that statement is backed up by the fact that I check up on him constantly right now, even though he doesn't know it. However, when I want to talk to him he doesn't get defensive. In the past, really, he would have by now. He's making decisions not to do things that would make him come home late, or take him away from me for hours on end on the weekend either.....which goes back to my being "siamese twins" for awhile statement. So yes, I do believe he's making honest efforts.
His behavior does seem to be changing....and that's why I say so often that "my gut feels..." however it does. I have to listen to my gut, instincts, female intuition...whatever you want to call it.
I think what Chrissy and you both said pretty much sums things up. He took the easy way....it was the wrong and hurtful way for our R, but it was the easy way for him. I honestly do believe that he thought I would be disgusted by what he fantasized about and wanted sexually speaking.....I can say that now because I've seen a change in his face when we do ML.
Tune out now kiddies if you don't want TMI....
Last week when I released my inner slut (as I like to call her...you know, the one who lives next to the 3-headed hydra and the screaming banshee)....I completely took charge of the situation. I showed him that the woman he had in his head and fantasized about was actually the woman he was married to as well.
I gave my H a BJ and he started to close his eyes and put his head back....or would get distracted by the tv. Early into everything I looked up at him and he wasn't paying attention to me (at first)....he was looking at the tv. I told him the only thing he was allowed to look at right then was ME, I wanted him to watch what I was doing...and I turned the tv off. Then I released all my best porn moves (will spare you those details). My H couldn't take his eyes off of me, he was mesmerized I swear....and it's absolutely the 1st time I've seen a real look of desire on his face. Not a going through the motions lets ML, but a real honest to goodness look of desire.
In the past he would never have watched me, or at least he wouldn't have let me catch him watching me give him a BJ. Much less look me directly in the face while I looked at him during oral sex....just wouldn't have happened....that would have been far too intimate.
That goes back to what Chrissy was saying about MB'ing. Her H thought it would disgust her. I truly believe my H thought that the fact that he would like a BJ like that....would in reality disgust me, when that was so very far from the truth. My blowing (no pun intended) that misperception out of the water, I believe, is helping him to loosen up.
That's just one of the tricks that I've pulled out of my goodie bag.....I'm not done yet. But these things are going to have to come out as I'm ready to do them....otherwise, I might just send the poor man into shock.
