Had an interesting convo with the hubby last night.
We were sitting around watching tv (2 1/2 Men, H's fav)...and one of the main characters was talking about how his GF was trying to change who he was. In the show, I would agree...she was.
I spoke up during one of the scenes where it was quite obvious that she was trying to change him to be what she wanted him to be and said "that's just not right, she shouldn't do that and he shouldn't put up with it." He agreed and said she was being really controlling...so I asked him flat-out. "Do you think I try to control you?"...he said "Heck no! You're just trying to help me straighten my sh!t out....and I've been meaning to thank you for that." Surprised the heck outta me that he said that.
He followed that up by saying "I guess I just got into this frame of mind that you get married....you have a kid....and that's that. The woman keeps the house and raises the kids, you work together to do that...and it's my responsibility to work hard and bring home the money and help you.....but that's it. It never even really entered my mind that we were "supposed" to keep having sex."
I asked him a bit about that and to keep this short...from what I understood he had this preconceived notion that when you marry and have a family....the sex stops. That he shouldn't expect that from me anymore. Sounds a bit odd I know...don't worry guys my BSometer is always on anymore. But there was a tone that says there was something to that. I asked him why then, when I was constantly bringing up the fact that I wasn't happy with our SL, did he not step up. His very simple response to that was "I didn't believe you really meant it....but now I get it."
I've been doing a bit of thinking about that and think there may be some truth to it. His parents NEVER talked about sex, in fact when there's anything remotely sexual on tv his mom gets all flustered and changes the channel. If ANY of his past R's were truly sexually controlling....then that coupled with his parents behavior could lead to that perception. I don't know...that's going to be up to our counselor to ferret out.
We've been having many little conversations similar to this one though, so at least he's talking....and he's doing some things in a more sexual fashion as well....such as walking up behind me and actually rubbing his crotch against me....unheard of just a few weeks ago....or making sexual innuendo conversation with me.
Like I've said many times lately....this behavior is going to have to continue long-term...and my guard is still WAY up. But even I, someone who doesn't pray very often....has been praying about this and asking for help. There's a new song out by Carrie Underwood right now I'm wanting to learn but I can't get though it yet without crying....so I use it as my prayer everyday...."Jesus Take The Wheel".
When you guys hear it....say a little prayer for us if you don't mind.
