So glad to hear things are improving. Maybe this is all there was to your sitch… I can see why he may have acted as he did, and I can also see how your actions this weekend was a huge relief to him, causing his behavior to do a 180. I think everyone harbors some type of intimate sexual fantasy. Some realize it is only a fantasy and let it go at that. Others may get more caught up in it and really want to have some of those dreams. But the Catch 22 is whether to express those desires or not.
If a man says to the W he would like her to engage in sexual acts or activity off the mainstream, and he has never seen any signs in W that she shares these same fantasies (as least within his ability to read those signs), he may be VERY scared to express those desires. What if W is totally offended by those ideas, or thinks he is a sex pervert and could have other issues/problems? If the relationship is not that strong and he feels that he gets blamed enough for what he does, then why set himself as a target for a new type of attack? (I am not saying you would do this, just trying to think through what he may be thinking.)
This ties into my other thread, to an extent, in that he seems to be too worried about what you might think, holds himself back, pulls back into his cave and fantasizes about what he wants and gets resentful for not having it…. A nasty cycle. And this may not have anything to do with you, just his perception of how he thinks you see him (meaning his filters are set a little too narrow).
But that is the Catch 22 right? Men may tell a close male friend some of their deepest sexual fantasies, in a joking, off handed sort of way, maybe while ogling a sexy woman walking down the street, but in a way to sound like they are not serious. That fact that they even made such a statement means there is real desire somewhere in there (many a truth is said in jest). The other male knows this, but also knows not to talk about it since it would put the man on the spot and force him to backtrack. Now making such a statement to a woman, even a joking one, runs great risk. So it should not be a surprise that men are reluctant to express such desires to their wives as well.
Again, I am not saying any of this is happening in your sitch, but it could be, because of his complete reversal in attacking you, after you let him know and actually showed him that his fantasies were acceptable! You busted down the walls, went right through his inhibitions and joined him in! I WISH MY W WOULD DO THAT!!! My wife seems to be fairly open sexually about toys (since she really NEEDS them), but would I risk proposing anything too avant garde, too wild or off-beat? No, I don’t think so, at least not now. So I will just fantasize too, but try to not build resentment.
